So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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