"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
