Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
