Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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