textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
