i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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