Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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