you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
