tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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