VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
