I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my poor anus
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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