i was born a porn star she said
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
