What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
