Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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