I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
