Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
