Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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