I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
