he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
