I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
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We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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