I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
