his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
