I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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