my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so that wasnt chicken after all
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
