So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
