Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
