so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
