I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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