guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
