We're like a lot better than the average bears
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
