It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
