working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize