riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
