Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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