This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
