thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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