we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
