dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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