He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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