if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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