Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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