I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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