too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Of course I have a pirate flag
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
