WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
