Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
