Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
