If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
