Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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