Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
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Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I party with great urgency now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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