This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize