So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
