Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
