I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
