I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
