Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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