doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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