Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
