First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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