Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
