stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
