i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
