Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
