Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
