I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
