He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
