I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
