no, he came in my armpit
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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