im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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