who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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