can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
