i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
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i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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