Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
