She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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