dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
