Taylor Swift is so right about you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm bleeding and have questions
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
