was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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