Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I sprained my soul last night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
