She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
being pregnant is like rehab
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
