it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
